


how I spent my summer vacation

by smartlike



Category: Angel: the Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-26 14:29:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartlike/pseuds/smartlike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It'll be okay, Connor." She sounded like she knew a bit of what Connor should have been feeling, would have been feeling if he weren't too busy worrying and wondering and plotting an escape-- so he'd nodded and got out of the truck. He breathed in the salt air and forced himself not to think of the one other beach trip he'd been on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how I spent my summer vacation

**Author's Note:**

> Set while Angel is missing.
> 
> Thanks to apaintedmaypole and kel. for the betas.
> 
> Originally posted at http://www.obsessivetendencies.net/am/

There isn't a t.v. anywhere in the Hotel, but Connor mentions to Fred that he stopped to watch one in a store the other day and suddenly there's Gunn, big grin just peeking over the top of a television.

"Hey, kid with the strength of several men-- help a brother out?"

Connor knows that Gunn can carry the t.v., but he stands and takes the black box-like thing into his arms. "What's this for?" he asks, setting it carefully on the desk. His desk.

"Fred said something about it and yeah, maybe you're super Champion-style busy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to watch two a.m. infomercials like the rest of the world." Gunn leans in the doorway and watches Connor push at buttons and look at the parts of the t.v.

Connor's favorite thing about Gunn is that he trusts Connor to figure things out on his own. After a minute, he does just that and has the television plugged in and turned on watching an older white man talking about a missing man, possibly foul play, no body found yet.

Connor blinks at the screen and when he opens his eyes, he sees Gunn's grin falter. The t.v.'s switched off before either of them can blink again.

Connor counts the silence, heavy against his ears. One, two, three, four--

"No point in watching the news. We know more about what's going on in this city than they do." Gunn shrugs and manages to make it look casual. Connor likes that about him, too. "We'll talk when you've seen the rotisserie chicken demos."

Connor has no idea what Gunn's talking about, but it's not missing men or any of the Angel-Cordy-disappearance-worry type things they're both thinking about, so Connor agrees gratefully. Gunn smiles, leaves and Connor turns the television on, counting one more day until it's all over.

*

He's surrounded. Everything is showing in blue, green and all the other colors Connor's only learned since coming here. They fade to grey, black, and then something darker. He's cold. Something muffles his ears, tries to hold his arms and legs against his body. He's fighting, but tired and thinking about stopping.

Then, Angel's face, white in all the darkness with red dripping from his lips and his outstretched fingers. Connor watches, keeps struggling against whatever's holding him in place. Angel's hand comes closer, closer, closer and he smiles slowly. Connor almost smiles back. Then the hand, warm and wet with blood, wraps around his throat.

Sucking hard to pull in air, like when Fred bought him a thick vanilla shake and showed him how to drink it through the plastic straw. Connor can feel the fingers pressing into his windpipe and starts to panic, but then there's a flash like passing through dimensions and he's awake, in bed, pillow pressed over his face and his own fingers resting against his neck.

*

Light explodes overhead, trailing red and Connor flinches a little. His head settles on the metal of Gunn's truck bed with a thunk and Connor smiles sheepishly. They've been watching the fireworks for twenty minutes now and they still keep startling Connor.

"I think your reflexes are too good," Gunn says.

Connor turns his head and nods. Fred giggles from where she's resting against Gunn's chest. She starts to say something, but gets distracted by another flash above them, pointing and letting out a long impressed "ooooh". Gunn shifts slightly towards the cab of the truck and drops a kiss on Fred's hair. Connor looks away, up at the sky just in time to see the last bits of blue fire fade.

They drove out of the city, Fred packed a basket of food, called it a picnic and clucked softly when Connor said that it wasn't really safe to spend too much time outdoors when he was living with Holtz. They drove for awhile, long enough for Connor to think about maybe getting nervous. They finally stopped at a beach and it wasn't a beach that Connor had ever been to, but still he sat frozen, staring out at the sand. It was light out, not dark, and there were lots of people around, but Connor couldn't move and couldn't look at Fred and Gunn and he wondered how they knew and which way he should run to get away from them.

"C'mon Connor," Fred pushed at his shoulder gently. "You've got a lot of summer beach trips to make up for." Fred's hair was blowing in her face from the breeze coming through Gunn's open door. She was only half smiling, something behind her eyes, but it wasn't anger and it wasn't pity, so Connor started to breathe again. 

"It'll be okay, Connor." She sounded like she knew a bit of what Connor should have been feeling, would have been feeling if he weren't too busy worrying and wondering and plotting an escape-- so he'd nodded and got out of the truck. He breathed in the salt air and forced himself not to think of the one other beach trip he'd been on.

It worked pretty well and Connor thinks he had fun, with Gunn teaching him Frisbee, laughing when every throw went flying past him, and Fred trying to build a castle that she said was supposed to be the Hotel out of wet sand. Connor watches the fireworks, though, and he jumps at every loud pop or bang while Fred and Gunn sit calmly and he knows that says more about the life he's stumbled into than their relaxed beach day.

*

Upside down, arm twisted back and lights blinking somewhere high above. Connor can't see anything else because every time his eyes adjust to the darkness, the light blinks and he's blinded again. He's hanging from something and staring up at the sky and the light is flashing with no particular pattern. He waits and waits and finally the light stays steady and then grows from a small flash to something bigger until it fills the room. He realizes the ceiling is a t.v. screen and he tilts his head to watch. As he does so, it occurs to him that he should probably be dizzy, but isn't.

The screen resolves from blank white to a picture. It's fuzzy and Connor flexes his shoulder trying to reduce the ache. He waits again, there's nothing else to do and he doesn't know how he knows that he can't get himself down, but he knows. Maybe he tried before. The picture above him starts to clear up and he can see that it's Cordelia and Angel, together in Angel's office. They're talking, but Connor doesn't know what they're saying, so there's something to be glad for. Gunn and Fred walk up, they stand in the door and Connor watches their smiles fade slowly and they look out of the screen, Gunn's fist clenched and Fred's confusion sliding over her eyes.

Connor starts twisting because even if he can't get down, and he can't, if he can spin away then maybe they won't see him, won't say anything to him and maybe he won't have to think about what this means. He finally moves, starting to spin and for a few seconds all he sees is darkness, the light soft from behind, but then he's spinning faster and faster and Gunn is moving from the door to the edge of the screen when Connor bites his lip and starts awake. The t.v. is blaring from the desk, a commercial for something that seals clothes in plastic and the woman on the screen looks a little like Cordelia. Connor feels dizzy and reaches for the remote control.

*

They were out late, a new case and Fred's so excited to have clients again that Connor doesn't have the heart to tell her that he's pretty sure the demon they killed wasn't actually involved. He slouches against the metal shopping cart and stifles a yawn, nodding when Fred holds up a box of Macaroni and Cheese. Gunn likes it, so Connor likes it and Fred will eat anything.

Fred leads Connor around to the next aisle. "Do you want to go to school?" she asks, seemingly out of nowhere, but then Connor sees that they're standing in a display of notebooks and pens, brightly colored markers and folders with cute boys and kittens on them.

He knows what school is, saw some show on television about kids in high school, but mostly they spent a lot of time sneaking around and kissing, so he's not sure why he'd want to go. So he asks, "Why?"

Fred turns to look at him and frowns. "I don't--" She sighs. "I think Angel would have wanted that. For you to have a normal childhood, you know?"

Connor stands up straight and fights the urge to push the cart straight at Fred, knocking her against the neat rows of paper clips. "Little late for that."

Fred surprises him, nods. "It'll never feel right here, you know." Connor blinks. Just the other day Gunn was talking about how well Connor was adjusting, how sometimes Gunn forgot that Connor hadn't grown up with the stuff they have now. Fred nods again. "They won't get that, but once you go somewhere like that, it never makes sense again."

Connor wraps his hands around the cart handle, pushes along after Fred as she moves down the aisle. "You don't--" He realizes that's rude too late and closes his mouth.

She shrugs. "I don't know where you were, but I know where I was and I'm telling you it won't really ever feel right." She pauses at the end of the row and pulls down a pack of pens. "Still, Angel would have wanted you to go to school." Before Connor can get angry at the mention of his name again, Fred smiles, so genuine and sweet. "I think you'd like it."

She hands Connor the pens and he stares at them, then looks up at her. "Yeah?"

"I always did."

Connor reaches out and takes the pens. "I'll think about it then."

Fred nods, she thinks she understands and Connor wishes it was that kind of complicated, just a simple hell dimension re-adjustment problem. When she turns the corner, Connor shakes his head and tosses the pens on top of a stack of binders with "clear e-z vu" window. He knows he won't have time for school.

*

He's had this one so many times that even when it starts he knows it's a dream. Connor's on the beach again and Holtz is sitting on the sand. Blood pouring from his neck like it's normal and Connor wants to go to him, but he can't. There are castles built around his ankles, so solid that he can't move. Fred is behind him, Gunn too and he can hear them laughing, but he can't turn to see them. All he can do is watch Holtz as he bleeds, staining the sand red like in the glass globe Connor found in Angel's office.

Connor shouts, "Gunn!"

"Yeah, man?" Gunn's voice is warm and rich and surrounding Connor from all sides.

"Can you help him?" Connor hasn't felt this pathetic since he was a child lost and alone in a wooded glade, shouting for his father. "He's--"

"Connor, don't worry, Angel will be here soon." Fred's voice is lilting, sweet and it makes Connor's head ache.

Gunn shouts his agreement, "Angel's the Champion, he'll help."

Connor wants to tell them that Angel won't come because he's in the water and that their Champion isn't going to help, that he did this, but then Holtz collapses to the ground, a rasp of a breath that no one should be able to hear filling the air.

"Father!" Connor shouts and Fred and Gunn laugh and Angel's walking from the ocean. Connor tries to kick the sand away, clenches his fists and presses his nails into his palm, willing himself awake, but it's no use.

Angel waves as he walks towards Holtz's body and bends over it. Angel stands up and wipes the blood from his chin. He turns, heads to where Connor can hear Gunn and Fred laughing and cheering Angel's return. Only when the laughter turns to screams of pain does Connor wake up, slumped against the truck window, glass cold on his cheek.

There's a note on Connor's lap. _Fred said to let you sleep. We're inside._ Connor doesn't believe it and he doesn't want to go in, but he gets out of the truck, stretches and heads inside.

*

Connor stares at the wall, not interested in watching television, thinking about just going out, maybe killing something. He's almost ready to get up and go when Fred comes in, smiling and offering a sandwich. She looks happy so she probably talked Gunn down and Connor vows again to stop picking fights, even about Angel.

They joke about the tomatoes and Connor forgets that this isn't real, that he's never had anything real and probably doesn't deserve it. Angel, at the bottom of the sea, he has what he deserves. That's the only thought Connor has to hold onto when Fred pulls out the taser-- eyes colder and crazier than Connor could ever have imagined them-- and Connor makes himself remember that he always expected this.


End file.
